You don’t become a good leader without some scars along the way. Sometimes it feels as though you are walking across a bed of hot coals. Learning leadership can be an exhilarating exploration, but it can also be a challenge that you think might take you to your breaking point. One may look at a leader and think why them and not me? Becoming a good leader is like a rite of passage that will always require a level of initiation that is uncomfortable to say the least.
Your weaknesses are pointed out by those who report to you, by your client/customers, and lastly by your boss. This can leave you filling so exposed. You will be scarred along this journey and before one scar can heal there seems to be someone waiting to pick at the scab. This teaches you resiliency that you will need for the remainder of your journey. Use your feedback is your playbook. Hmmm… I wonder if this is the same as the saying “Let your haters be your motivators”. Not quite.
I can say without a doubt that I value the feedback from my bosses the most. I tend to think of them as my Zen masters. As I move forward in my leadership journey the lessons replay in my mind.
Now that does not mean that their feedback always brought me peace because at times it was quite the opposite! At times it was encouraging and other times it felt so harsh and shook my self image. Sometimes the delivery was kind and nurturing while other times it was harsh and even obnoxiously loud.
Let’s take that walk down memory lane when I was in my leadership infancy.
When I was afraid I was going to make mistakes as a new medical practice manager and l shared with my boss all the things that I thought could go wrong it sounded like …
Me: “what if I…”
Boss: “who cares”
Me: “ok, but what about if…”
Boss: “who cares”.
Yes. My boss said who cares to all the possible things I could let go wrong due to my lack of experience at the time. Needless to say, I was angry. I stayed up many nights working on the list of all the ways I might fail just for my boss to say, “who cares”?
Well, I thought …
I don’t care anymore either!!
But what was the real lesson. It was, Fatima get over your fears because we trust and believe in you and you are letting your insecurity get in the way.
When I wanted to be the leader that everyone likes, because I’m empathetic beyond measure and willing to give my staff 5 and 6 chances to self-correct and follow my directions, I heard from my boss “Fatima sometimes you need to kill a few hostages”. He skipped take a few hostages and went straight to kill a few hostages. OMG! Who is this guy, really? He was a boss that saw I had a gentle nature that was being taken advantage of left and right which would start to erode my effectiveness in my role.
When I was told by an esteemed consultant that part of her advisement to my boss would be not to allow me to be promoted to the position of practice manager in the first place due to my lack of experience. I went to my boss angrily and asked point blank “ So whatcha going to do?” He said about what? I told him the consultant said not to promote me and I want to know what are you planning to do? He says…”Fatima the one thing you must learn is to develop a thicker skin”. “This does not change my plans at all”. I learned I can trust this boss. And I always remember not to be so sensitive to criticism. This was merely her best judgement, but she was so wrong😉
When I was a new manager somewhere that was running so horribly, and I could not make the changes fast enough (to my satisfaction), my boss told me that he recognizes the conditions are not good and have not been good for some time now. He said, “here in this place…if you can make the next day better than the last you have been successful”. I came to understand that change would not happen overnight and that I would have to work to change the culture first and impact the values of the staff before expecting big changes. This took persistence and patience as I influenced the staff to start taking pride in their work. They won regional recognition awards that year.
When I was getting my usual glowing annual evaluation from this boss and she says after listing all my successes “you can be kind of stoic”. I learned how serious I am about getting things done and moving to the next thing. I spent little time celebrating the success in between. I considered this to be time wasted when you could be stalking the next challenge. I learned that even if I don’t require celebration my staff does. So I became more intentional regarding recognizing milestones.
Finally, when I expressed to this boss who was mentoring me that I had some weaknesses that I want to strengthen. He said “you can work on your weaknesses but plan to surround yourself with those who have your weaknesses as their greatest strengths”. I consider this when I am building teams. When I choose an assistant manager or when I am molding departmental teams within my staff. This was liquid gold.
Your feedback is my Zen. I don’t just carry these lessons; these lessons carry me. I rely on these lessons today and mentor other new leaders using your lessons to me. I have come to learn the rewards of having those I have mentored return to thank me like I would like to thank you!!!
Happy Boss's Day!
Written By
Fatima Sparks,
Medical Practice Growth and Development
Strategy: People, Processes, and Branding.
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